I have a hard time explaining my religion. I almost feel too lazy to explain it to people sometimes, like its long and hard to say. So I’m making this so if anyone asks, I can simply link them. Anyway, this is just a theory, and know that I am always changing. I was completely against these thoughts some months ago, and I probably will not believe this months from now, I change OFTEN. Maybe too often.

So, I started out Athiest. Literally started that way. My parents never enforced religion, and the only input from family members I got was from my dear grandpa. The only person in my family that I feel genuinely connected to. So I listened to everything he had to say to me. He loved Carl Sagan and was/is a hard Athiest, anyway so this was my religion, I suppose. I loved space and the universe, and big bang theory. Well this lasted all through elementary, middle school, and high school. I was die hard Atheist, and proud of it. I knew there wasnt a higher power and I laughed at the thought of prayer or worship or church, anything of the sort. Closed-mindedness at its finest, folks.

In college, I roomed with this girl (Jessica)  from my senior art class. We barely knew each other through mutual friends, and I knew she was devout christian, and I hadn’t a problem with it, really. So we roomed together, and she often talked about Christianity, never really tried to shove it down my throat, and I never tried to shove anything down hers, as well. We respected each other. And we became best friends:)

Kind of side tracked there. I apologize. anyway, Jessica and her boyfriend introduced me to their two friends. Their names are necessary, because together they changed my life more than I ever imagined anyone could. Ryan and Cameron. We were all best friends and spent all day every day together. They both spoke of their religion (Christianity) often and soon enough I was attending church with them. I saw how beautiful worship was and I wanted to be a part of it so badly. I wanted that beauty, and I knew it had to happen. So, I got saved, and it was the greatest. I completely changed my life. I went from lust to respect, hate to love, judging to accepting, everything any Christian would want to be. Everyone noticed my change in lifestyle, and I loved finally feeling something big and finally having something worth dying for. So I started reading the bible, going to church, and I honestly loved learning the word and worshiping the Lord I had started to know.

I  love how I heard of Christianity so late in life. Its a weird thing to love, I guess. I mean a part of me kind of hopes that my parents would have showed me and I could have grown in Christ all through school and what not. But another part of me was stoked, I grew in Christ so fast. I went from nothing to everything in a day. And those are the only words I can use to describe my transformation. I truly think of Ryan and Cameron all the time, and often I will thank them for showing me love. They probably get annoyed by now.

Anyway, so that was almost a year ago (WOW, I JUST realized that, its amazing!) and some things have changed (like I said I change often) and I have grown so much spiritually. I had this bad episode in August that caused me to hallucinate, caused me to literally freak out and I can’t even explain what happened. I know I felt like i was dreaming and my brain was too painful to put in to words. I think it was as painful as Hell is described, really. I thought if it didn’t kill me, it would at least mentally handicap me (thankfully it didn’t). After that night, I have been suffering from heart palpitations, migraines, etc. For 4 months, I still didn’t know what happened or why it happened or why it hurt so bad. I just recently found out that I have depersonalization disorder, and what I experienced was an depersonalization episode, and the panic caused a seizure (which explains the explains the excruciating brian pain). I’ve had about 10 episodes since then, but none of them have been that bad. The point of me explaining this: having depersonalization disorder opened my mind extremely and caused me to think deeply, all the time. I am thankful for this. So after all the deep-thinking, I had an epiphany.

God to me is different than God to you. And I can say this because we are all different, we all have different interpretations, understandings, and thoughts altogether. I realized that nothing is materialistic. Religious people tend to think that God is a materialistic being, that we will see/hear/feel/touch/ when they die. When I had that first episode, something spoke to me that said “Heaven isn’t a place, its a state of mind” honestly it scared me, and I didn’t agree with it at all, until recently.

We are energy, and we can’t be destroyed. I believe we have souls. I believe there is a Heaven and Hell. I believe there was a Jesus. I believe that the Bible has amazing stories that one can base his life upon.

I suggest you read this article. It explains everything I am trying to say, only put in smarter, more sensible words.

God is infinity. I don’t like to think God is a person, or in person form. There is no body for it. I do however believe that if that’s the way the universe communicates to you, then thats how you receive it. If you think praying and worshiping is your way of communicating to the One, then so be it. I don’t believe that God is ANYTHING like a person. I don’t believe that most stories in the bible really happened. Once you stop thinking materialisticly, then you will understand. The stories in the bible are tools to show you how to live and love positively. I don’t think any religion is wrong. I know its all going to the same energy. And that energy is good, light, love, infinite, giving and receiving and finding the God that makes sense to you.


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