current

I have a hard time explaining my religion. I almost feel too lazy to explain it to people sometimes, like its long and hard to say. So I’m making this so if anyone asks, I can simply link them. Anyway, this is just a theory, and know that I am always changing. I was completely against these thoughts some months ago, and I probably will not believe this months from now, I change OFTEN. Maybe too often.

So, I started out Athiest. Literally started that way. My parents never enforced religion, and the only input from family members I got was from my dear grandpa. The only person in my family that I feel genuinely connected to. So I listened to everything he had to say to me. He loved Carl Sagan and was/is a hard Athiest, anyway so this was my religion, I suppose. I loved space and the universe, and big bang theory. Well this lasted all through elementary, middle school, and high school. I was die hard Atheist, and proud of it. I knew there wasnt a higher power and I laughed at the thought of prayer or worship or church, anything of the sort. Closed-mindedness at its finest, folks.

In college, I roomed with this girl (Jessica)  from my senior art class. We barely knew each other through mutual friends, and I knew she was devout christian, and I hadn’t a problem with it, really. So we roomed together, and she often talked about Christianity, never really tried to shove it down my throat, and I never tried to shove anything down hers, as well. We respected each other. And we became best friends:)

Kind of side tracked there. I apologize. anyway, Jessica and her boyfriend introduced me to their two friends. Their names are necessary, because together they changed my life more than I ever imagined anyone could. Ryan and Cameron. We were all best friends and spent all day every day together. They both spoke of their religion (Christianity) often and soon enough I was attending church with them. I saw how beautiful worship was and I wanted to be a part of it so badly. I wanted that beauty, and I knew it had to happen. So, I got saved, and it was the greatest. I completely changed my life. I went from lust to respect, hate to love, judging to accepting, everything any Christian would want to be. Everyone noticed my change in lifestyle, and I loved finally feeling something big and finally having something worth dying for. So I started reading the bible, going to church, and I honestly loved learning the word and worshiping the Lord I had started to know.

I  love how I heard of Christianity so late in life. Its a weird thing to love, I guess. I mean a part of me kind of hopes that my parents would have showed me and I could have grown in Christ all through school and what not. But another part of me was stoked, I grew in Christ so fast. I went from nothing to everything in a day. And those are the only words I can use to describe my transformation. I truly think of Ryan and Cameron all the time, and often I will thank them for showing me love. They probably get annoyed by now.

Anyway, so that was almost a year ago (WOW, I JUST realized that, its amazing!) and some things have changed (like I said I change often) and I have grown so much spiritually. I had this bad episode in August that caused me to hallucinate, caused me to literally freak out and I can’t even explain what happened. I know I felt like i was dreaming and my brain was too painful to put in to words. I think it was as painful as Hell is described, really. I thought if it didn’t kill me, it would at least mentally handicap me (thankfully it didn’t). After that night, I have been suffering from heart palpitations, migraines, etc. For 4 months, I still didn’t know what happened or why it happened or why it hurt so bad. I just recently found out that I have depersonalization disorder, and what I experienced was an depersonalization episode, and the panic caused a seizure (which explains the explains the excruciating brian pain). I’ve had about 10 episodes since then, but none of them have been that bad. The point of me explaining this: having depersonalization disorder opened my mind extremely and caused me to think deeply, all the time. I am thankful for this. So after all the deep-thinking, I had an epiphany.

God to me is different than God to you. And I can say this because we are all different, we all have different interpretations, understandings, and thoughts altogether. I realized that nothing is materialistic. Religious people tend to think that God is a materialistic being, that we will see/hear/feel/touch/ when they die. When I had that first episode, something spoke to me that said “Heaven isn’t a place, its a state of mind” honestly it scared me, and I didn’t agree with it at all, until recently.

We are energy, and we can’t be destroyed. I believe we have souls. I believe there is a Heaven and Hell. I believe there was a Jesus. I believe that the Bible has amazing stories that one can base his life upon.

I suggest you read this article. It explains everything I am trying to say, only put in smarter, more sensible words. http://www.creationislove.com/the-prime-radiant/

God is infinity. I don’t like to think God is a person, or in person form. There is no body for it. I do however believe that if that’s the way the universe communicates to you, then thats how you receive it. If you think praying and worshiping is your way of communicating to the One, then so be it. I don’t believe that God is ANYTHING like a person. I don’t believe that most stories in the bible really happened. Once you stop thinking materialisticly, then you will understand. The stories in the bible are tools to show you how to live and love positively. I don’t think any religion is wrong. I know its all going to the same energy. And that energy is good, light, love, infinite, giving and receiving and finding the God that makes sense to you.

Recently.

I haven’t posted in a while. I get caught up with unimportant things that don’t matter at all, and I forget about things that I am committed to. Not all things, I am a faithful girlfriend, haha.

Well I have been dipping into Romans lately, and it’s really speaking to me. I feel like I think that ANYTIME I read a scripture, which is good, I suppose. I’ve been feeling a hunger for guidance lately, and I know I have been getting it, I just have this habit of ignoring God. I know what is good, and what is bad in His eyes, yet I find myself giving in to the temptations of the world.

I got readjusted after reading Romans tonight.

Romans 12:1-8 reads 1 “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.  For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. 4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; 7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.”

This stuck out to me, because it’s saying to live your life as an offering to God. Not only should we be thankful for the gifts and talents that God has given ALL of us, we should pursue them as an offering to the Lord. That, to me, is beautiful. I love to think “Yes, I am playing piano right now” but when I think of playing piano as an offering to God, I realize that an enormous feeling of gratitude and respect and love and passion pours out of me, and it is the most amazing feeling. If we all used our talents, (not even like TALENTS, but gifts like being generous, teaching well, etc.) then this world would be way more beautiful in His eyes, and that is what I want so badly. That and to give God all that I can, using the tools and gifts that he has given me.

So I have made a choice to travel across America, setting a good, Godly example, loving others MORE than myself, giving, giving, giving, and giving thanks to the Lord and giving to others that cross my path. I want to plant seeds everywhere and give all the glory to God.

But WANTING to is nothing. I have to actually go out and do this. It is scary, but I know that He wouldn’t give me anything that I can’t handle. I am scared, but I can get by with help from the Word, from the notions that I get from God, and with a little help from my friends that I love so dearly.

Thanks for reading.

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Well, I

Think I am dropping out of college.  Okay, let me rephrase. I am dropping out of college. Dakota Smith mentions ” Why do people go to college when they have no desire to try, or even to learn?” Well, I fall into that category, somewhat. I came to college as an Atheist, so my priorities were as follows:

Go to school.

Get shwasted.

Acquire currency.

Give NO crap to anything, ever, except doing well in school to get rich.

Needless to say, I was in the wrong. I only wanted to go because I could become rich in the future. I mean, WHO DOESN’T? It is so cool to think that you have the opportunity to get an education and a degree and go to all these lovely businesses and become super rich to buy WHATEVER YOU WANT. And I understand where that could be desirable. It is hard to realize that money isn’t everything, honestly.

But about 9 months ago, when I accepted Christ into my heart, I shortly learned that materialistic things weren’t the only things that mattered. I was taught that these worldly things won’t matter at all when you die. I love this, because I greatly enjoy challenges. I would be in sports if I didn’t weigh 97 lbs. 😛

Back on track, being in my third semester, I am realizing that I am here for the wrong reasons. I LOVE learning. SO MUCH. I love the fact that our brains can remember things, and that we can excel in so many fields. I am truly thankful that God gave us such abilities, but at the same time, I just want to devote my brain to the Bible, and live accordingly.

The thought of not being at my school terrifies me, so badly. I am so comfortable here, with my luxuries and my amazing friends that teach me and that I teach in return. Our friendships are beautiful and I know for a fact that I wouldn’t even BE a person of Christ without them. I would be a lost soul, probably dipped into partying and being a bad person. I love them more than they will ever know and I thank God for them constantly. Back on track, again, I know that my God will not throw something at me that I can’t handle, and I really, really think that he isn’t pushing me in this direction towards school. I am happy for my friends that want to stay. They are good at school and I’m sure they feel that they are in the right place here. I just feel that God really wants to use me for something else, and I am thankful for such feelings.

All in all, I cannot wait to embark on new journeys. I learn lessons HOURLY and I cannot wait to learn more, out in the open.

I understand that this is a big rant, but I had to get it out.

Thank you for reading.

Oh! And add me on facebook,

http://www.facebook.com/longjohnsmith

and tweet me @longjohn_smith

Find my frans on there, they are amazing! 🙂

Okay, so, best day ever.

After spending Thursday and Friday super high in the hospital (they gave me drugs :/) I feel like today was much deserved. I have been OBSESSED (and i DO mean obsessed) with  Lights . She is amazingly clever, funny, and extremely talented. I love everything she stands for. Anyway, I saw her for the second time tonight (the first time I saw her was exactly a year earlier!) and we all had a blast!

If you don’t know who she is, then let me (or YouTube, I should say) inform you.

Thank me later. 😛

LIGHTS

In other news………………

Well that’s all I have. 🙂

Let me know what you think of her!

P.s here’s a lil taste of our relationship 😉

and her boy.

this is an exclusive pic, 😉

Mumford and Sons-Inspired Outfit

Mumford and Sons-Inspired Outfit

T shirt
$58 – modcloth.com

Miss Selfridge short shorts
£35 – missselfridge.com

Christian louboutin shoes
$1,995 – net-a-porter.com

Wayfarer shades
$410 – openingceremony.us

Eugenia Kim brim hat
$365 – neimanmarcus.com

Hair bow accessory
$25 – asos.com

Gauze scarve
topman.com

Prada 2.7 Oz Eau De Parfume Deluxe
$115 – lordandtaylor.com

Ghostland Observatory-Inspired

Ghostland Observatory-Inspired

Knit top
£40 – houseoffraser.co.uk

Supertrash skinny jeans
€100 – welikefashion.com

Chanel handbag
fashion.1stdibs.com

Beats by Dr dre
$300 – nordstrom.com

Hollywood Slate Board
$12 – fredflare.com